COMIC - First Impression of Tori

Not all first impressions are lasting.

Do you like the new art style? I think I may stick with it.
Maybe. 
I don't know. 
I'm pretty lazy.

The Darker Side of Dating in Korea

I have a boyfriend. Perhaps a little surprising seeing as I'm such a git, but it's true nonetheless. And yes, he's very much Korean.
I felt I should bring this up because a few of my friends have been asking about Korean men and what the differences are with dating. Trust me darlings, it's different...

Korean men and women are different from English men and women, obviously. It's our difference in cultures. So to expect things here to be the same as back home would be stupid, but even so I've found myself caught off-guard with a lot of things.

I'm going to give you the general idea first so you can understand a little better, but before I do I want you to understand that I'm speaking generally and using stereotypes - not every Korean person is like this, in the same way not every British person enjoys tea.

...that was a flat-out lie. How can you not love tea?

Korea is very superficial. When I say this I am referring to the way people look only. When it comes to housing and family and architecture and elders and food then for the most part Koreans are very humble, kind and generous people, but a beautiful face goes a long way here (and I will touch more on that in another post). If you are not beautiful, you will live a hard life, part of this being dating.

Now of course there is an element of this everywhere, but in Korea its not sugar-coated at all. If you're "ugly" then there is no hope for you. And even if you are with someone who you feel is handsome but your family and/or friends thinks they are beneath you, you will receive a tremendous amount of pressure to end your relationship. 
A good example of this would be Lee Hyori. Lee Hyori is a famous pop star here. She has been in the industry for a long time and is older now, so she decided to make her relationship with her boyfriend public. When she described her boyfriend, she said something along the lines of "My life was filled with money and fame, but when I walked into his house it was filled with flowers and books. He had everything I didn't." - Sounds romantic right? Sadly, her reasons for loving him were completely over-looked because her boyfriend was an average-looking man. Her fans were furious, and when asked how her mother reacted to their relationship Hyori replied that her mother burst into tears over the fact that her daughter had settled for an ugly man. 
Did the mother stop to think that this man may the the most kind and gentle person, set on making Hyori happy for the rest of her life? Not a chance, because that doesn't seem to matter here.

What I've gathered from my exposure here is that women want a man who is handsome, rich, educated, traveled and tall. Preferably older with a good job. Whether he is kind or romantic or fun or even has time for them completely takes a back-seat. In turn, men want a woman who is cute and doll-like and lives for them. An angel he can show off to his friends. Whether she can think or not isn't really important.
Actually it's rather sad. When talking with Korean boys the general response I have gotten is that girls are only after money, and they'll drop you fast if someone richer and more handsome comes along. On the girls side the general view is that men only see them as trophies or toys, so they may as well get what they can from them. Heartbreaking, honestly. And most people don't even have time to put effort into their relationships anyway because they are either studying or working all the time.

Dating foreigners however is another story. Generally foreign men are either seen as handsome, chizzled gentlemen or dirty, big men praying on innocent little Asian girls. Foreign women are either seen as beautiful big-eyed, big-breasted goddesses, or dirty, untrustworthy sluts. It's a hit or miss really. Though most of the time I've found that if a Korean girl is dating a foreign man, it is slightly frowned upon. But, if a Korean man is dating a foreign woman, the man is hailed as a god. Though, again, I'm just generalizing from my own experiences.

It's not all bad though. I see many couples here who seem happy and loved up. Both Korean-Korean and  Korean-foreign. And not all families are a pain in the arse. But even if you are very happily dating there are a few things to take note of that are different from back home.

Now, when you first start dating, you should be aware that Koreans don't really have a dating-period. You know that bit of time where you like someone and your dating but you're not quite a couple yet? In Korea you're either boyfriend and girlfriend or your not. I made that mistake...

If you become a couple, take note of the day your relationship started, because Korean couples (especially teenagers and young adults) count the days they have been together. A little creepy, but it can be kind of sweet. On your hundredth day you both get couple rings - these aren't engagement rings. These are simply rings to show that you are loyal to someone, which brings me on to my next point.

When you do become a couple, you have to drop all your friends of the opposite gender. In Korea, guys and girls can't really be friends. It's a little strange. And if you have a partner, they will most likely become very jealous of the friends you do have. Also, if you are alone with someone of the opposite gender, it is assumed you are a couple, even if you aren't. So if you plan to meet a female friend alone who is not your girlfriend, be prepared for a million questions, followed by your phone exploding the entire time your out, finished with an argument to end the day because you just weren't responding fast enough.
At first it seems mental, right? But actually I've noticed that there is a certain lack of loyalty here...

It's not just the young people. Many of my friends have told me their parents sleep around. Or that their parents hate each other and use them as an excuse to stay together. I've also heard numerous stories about business men getting drunk together after work and hiring some prostitutes, despite having a family at home. Sometimes it's not even considered adultery because they were simply "bonding with the boss."
Actually, I have been approached several times and offered money in return for sex (because all foreign girls are sluts, obviously). I've even had men who have clearly indicated they have girlfriends/wives approach me with the line "It's okay. You're a foreigner so it doesn't count."
The young people here, having observed the old-fashioned, perverse ways of their parents and seniors understandably aren't trusting when they enter relationships, or they treat their partners in a similar fashion to how their parents treat each other. Which brings me onto my next point: sex.

Koreans are very naive when it comes to sex. Being from Europe, I was very exposed and very educated on the matter (British people are sluuuuuuts), but here the topic is still rather taboo. It's not really taught in schools and people don't like to talk about it, meaning a lot of people are aren't informed of the dangers, or even what it's about. I think this is also why many people have found themselves stuck in marriages they despise; usually the result of getting pregnant at a young age. 
It is common for Korean people to have very few sexual partners all their lives - whilst Europeans encourage sexual exploration, Koreans consider you a bad person if you have been with too many people. It is also common - when you enter a relationship - to not have sex for the first year or so, or to not have sex regularly. Sadly, I'm guessing this is why prostitution is so high here... Because of their lack of exposure, young Koreans can be very naive.

Now, don't bitch at me for this - I'm talking from my own experience. ...don't misinterpret that either. I mean, being the foreigner, usually my Korean friends feel much more relaxed talking about this kind of thing with me. Perhaps they feel they will not be judged by me in the same way they would another Korean person? Anyway, I want you to read some of the things young Korean people (young adults) have said/ asked me, and you'll see what I'm talking about:

"A girl can orgasm? How? They don't have a penis."

"It's okay if I just lay there. The boy will feel good anyway right?"

"My friend got his girlfriend pregnant... but how? They only had sex once."

"I tried sex but I don't like it. Only boys enjoy sex."

"It's okay. There is no chance of a baby if I don't finish."

"Korea has no STI's."

"Can old women have sex? When girls get old their vaginas close up. That's why they can't have periods, right?"

These were all serious questions from Korean students. People in their early twenties. Can you understand why I say what I do?

I was going to name this blog "Dating in Korea" but I don't think I shall... it's not a very nice representation of dating culture here and I want you to know that it's not all like this. I'm simply trying to highlight the differences and the problems you may encounter if you date in Korea. Of course there are many exceptions and if you are a foreigner dating a Korean your partner will likely be more than aware that you have a different culture and may see things a little differently.

As for my relationship, I think I got lucky. Hes not superficial. Hes not paranoid. He doesn't care what his friends think of me and he listens to my side of things. 

We have been together 174 days.

Foreign Teaching Programs in Korea

You know what a little girl said to me today? Essentially: "My mother and father pay your wages, so I can sit and sleep here if I want to."
I don't think you can imagine the amount of rage I was feeling at that point in time. See, what she had said was offensive, but what was even more irritating is that her mother or father probably spouted off something similar for her to come to that conclusion.

There are people in Korea who support foreign teachers coming over, and there are people who don't. The people who don't consider us a waste of funding and I'm guessing because this particular little girl isn't good at English that her parents probably think along these lines. And while everyone is entitled to their opinion, perhaps they should consider that their child simply isn't interested in learning and instead uses their parents opinions to justify being lazy and rude, and that's why their English level is staying low. I don't like making excuses, but there is fuck-all I can do if a child simply says no to learning.

The thing with foreign teachers is that it is a hit or miss. Korea is desperately pushing English on the new generation so that they can become more international; "To get a high-paying job you must speak English," kind of thing. So the Korean government are desperately importing foreign people and giving them teaching jobs. As great as this is for westerners looking to come to Korea, this particular system isn't doing the country much good.
My program, for example - TaLK, Teach and Learn in Korea. All the program requires is that you have at least two years of a degree finished and that you "seem trustworthy." Of course they have a look into your background and criminal history too, but I feel this in itself isn't enough. 

Now, don't get me wrong. The low entrance requirements were wonderful for me - before coming to Korea I had a degree in computer game art and virtually no teaching experience. I was in no way qualified to teach English to children, especially as a second language. I did and still feel that I am under-qualified to be here, but that's not the whole story. I am in no way saying that teachers who come here should all have degrees in English or linguistics or have a tonne of teaching experience - of course it would help, but I feel being a good teacher isn't really about whats on your resume. The problem is the people who travel here to teach and lack a personality that is suitable for being around children.

As the "foreign teacher" you usually take a second role. The school will already have an English teacher - a Korean person who has studied English until their soul died - and they have the task of teaching grammar and drilling vocabulary. As the foreign teacher, you are there to expose the students to a "native-English speaker." You are there to entertain. To inspire. To get them interested. You have to smile and joke with them. You have to encourage them. Your job is to get them to want to speak with you in English. So, if your native-English-speaking teacher is lazy or grumpy or boring, then this becomes a problem.

I've heard stories about teachers who just Google worksheets and print them because they are too lazy to plan their own classes. I've heard about teachers who have been argumentative and rude to their peers and employers (which, in Asia, in a big no no). I have also heard stories about teachers turning up to work drunk or hung-over. Or those who have gone out drinking and started fights, not realizing that their actions could badly affect their school's reputation. It is these kinds of people that give not only foreign teachers but foreign people in general a bad name. And sadly, it's these people that are remembered.

Teaching is something you can learn over time with experience. That's why I'm not berating all those without the related qualifications: if you are applying for Korea but have a degree in something else, bloody go for it, but only if you take it seriously.

When I first started at my school I had no idea if my students were learning anything. Nowadays, we repeat it until they can discuss the topic fully in a cute British accent. Learning how to teach comes with time and patience. The part you can't learn is how to be interesting. How to get children to want to eat with you and play soccer with you and tell you about their lives.
No, I don't have a teaching degree. But on Monday I taught a class the names of the months and on Thursday morning they were running up to me in the hallway to show me how fast they could say all twelve. A lot of the kids could spell them too.
Why? Because I actually care. 
No, I didn't study English. But I'm studying it now. No, I didn't study linguistics, but I'm working my way through a TEFL course. No, I didn't study teaching, so I often sit in on the other teachers classes to observe. Yes, I did an art degree, so I use it to hand-make all my worksheets and draw comics in English for my students to read. 
It's not about what you lack, it's about the time you're willing to put in. And it breaks my heart that some dickheads come over here and ruin what the rest of us are trying to achieve.

Anyway, back to my story.
A lot of my students are actually very good at English, so with their help translating I was able to reply to the girl:

"You think your parents pay my way? I'm working in a public school. If I cared about money I would have applied to a private academy. Your government pays me. I left my friends and my family to come to a country I didn't know with a language I couldn't speak. I live in a tiny apartment in the countryside getting paid much less then I would of had I stayed in England. I study hard to teach you, and I spend a lot of time and a lot of my own money preparing your classes. I try very hard to make English fun for you, the least you can do is listen."

Perhaps too much guilt to put on an elementary school child, but I was angry. And a small part of me hoped she would repeat some of this to her parents. Childish, right?
Korea defiantly has to re-organise the way they import foreign teachers, but you know, some of us actually do give a shit.

Needless to say, after school the girl came up and gave me a hug.
"Sorry teacher. I'm try hard tomorrow."

That's my girl.

Ppaeppaero

My computer died. Which was complete bollocksing-fucking-titwank. Hence the lack of blog posts. While it was out for repair I had to use a PC room. For those of you who don't know what that is, Asia has computer gaming rooms (a little like LAN rooms) kitted-out for hard-core, all-day-all-night gaming. So, I spent a while surrounded by a sweaty bunch of brain-dead nerds, trying to get some work done.
Sounds a lot like university actually.

Monday (11/11) was Ppaeppaero day. If you don't know Ppaeppaero, It's the Koreran version of Pocky. If you don't know Pocky, you haven't really lived now have you? Essentially its a biscuit stick that's been dipped in chocolate. They come in a variety of flavours now; ranging from things like strawberry and banana to green tea and pumpkin. My personal favourite is melon. Om nom nom.

On Ppaeppaero day, you buy some Ppaeppaero as a gift for friends and loved ones. Boxes of them, single sticks, giant sticks, make-your-own kits... a wonderful day for the company no doubt.
As a western lady living in Korea, I admit I wasn't really interested - seems more like a child's thing right? Nope... everyone gives everyone. And, being ignorant-little-me, I had nothing prepared.
Friends gave me Ppaeppaero, teachers gave me Ppaeppaero, co-workers gave me  Ppaeppaero, students gave me  Ppaeppaero... even the cunty bus driver gave me  Ppaeppaero. I felt guilty, to say the least. But on the plus-side I had quite the stash.

If you're coming to Korea, get familiar with holidays and event days. And I don't just mean traditional or cultural ones. Ppaeppaero day, white day... even valentine's and Christmas is a whole other ball-game. Be prepared my darlings!