COMIC - First Impression of Tori

Not all first impressions are lasting.

Do you like the new art style? I think I may stick with it.
Maybe. 
I don't know. 
I'm pretty lazy.

The Darker Side of Dating in Korea

I have a boyfriend. Perhaps a little surprising seeing as I'm such a git, but it's true nonetheless. And yes, he's very much Korean.
I felt I should bring this up because a few of my friends have been asking about Korean men and what the differences are with dating. Trust me darlings, it's different...

Korean men and women are different from English men and women, obviously. It's our difference in cultures. So to expect things here to be the same as back home would be stupid, but even so I've found myself caught off-guard with a lot of things.

I'm going to give you the general idea first so you can understand a little better, but before I do I want you to understand that I'm speaking generally and using stereotypes - not every Korean person is like this, in the same way not every British person enjoys tea.

...that was a flat-out lie. How can you not love tea?

Korea is very superficial. When I say this I am referring to the way people look only. When it comes to housing and family and architecture and elders and food then for the most part Koreans are very humble, kind and generous people, but a beautiful face goes a long way here (and I will touch more on that in another post). If you are not beautiful, you will live a hard life, part of this being dating.

Now of course there is an element of this everywhere, but in Korea its not sugar-coated at all. If you're "ugly" then there is no hope for you. And even if you are with someone who you feel is handsome but your family and/or friends thinks they are beneath you, you will receive a tremendous amount of pressure to end your relationship. 
A good example of this would be Lee Hyori. Lee Hyori is a famous pop star here. She has been in the industry for a long time and is older now, so she decided to make her relationship with her boyfriend public. When she described her boyfriend, she said something along the lines of "My life was filled with money and fame, but when I walked into his house it was filled with flowers and books. He had everything I didn't." - Sounds romantic right? Sadly, her reasons for loving him were completely over-looked because her boyfriend was an average-looking man. Her fans were furious, and when asked how her mother reacted to their relationship Hyori replied that her mother burst into tears over the fact that her daughter had settled for an ugly man. 
Did the mother stop to think that this man may the the most kind and gentle person, set on making Hyori happy for the rest of her life? Not a chance, because that doesn't seem to matter here.

What I've gathered from my exposure here is that women want a man who is handsome, rich, educated, traveled and tall. Preferably older with a good job. Whether he is kind or romantic or fun or even has time for them completely takes a back-seat. In turn, men want a woman who is cute and doll-like and lives for them. An angel he can show off to his friends. Whether she can think or not isn't really important.
Actually it's rather sad. When talking with Korean boys the general response I have gotten is that girls are only after money, and they'll drop you fast if someone richer and more handsome comes along. On the girls side the general view is that men only see them as trophies or toys, so they may as well get what they can from them. Heartbreaking, honestly. And most people don't even have time to put effort into their relationships anyway because they are either studying or working all the time.

Dating foreigners however is another story. Generally foreign men are either seen as handsome, chizzled gentlemen or dirty, big men praying on innocent little Asian girls. Foreign women are either seen as beautiful big-eyed, big-breasted goddesses, or dirty, untrustworthy sluts. It's a hit or miss really. Though most of the time I've found that if a Korean girl is dating a foreign man, it is slightly frowned upon. But, if a Korean man is dating a foreign woman, the man is hailed as a god. Though, again, I'm just generalizing from my own experiences.

It's not all bad though. I see many couples here who seem happy and loved up. Both Korean-Korean and  Korean-foreign. And not all families are a pain in the arse. But even if you are very happily dating there are a few things to take note of that are different from back home.

Now, when you first start dating, you should be aware that Koreans don't really have a dating-period. You know that bit of time where you like someone and your dating but you're not quite a couple yet? In Korea you're either boyfriend and girlfriend or your not. I made that mistake...

If you become a couple, take note of the day your relationship started, because Korean couples (especially teenagers and young adults) count the days they have been together. A little creepy, but it can be kind of sweet. On your hundredth day you both get couple rings - these aren't engagement rings. These are simply rings to show that you are loyal to someone, which brings me on to my next point.

When you do become a couple, you have to drop all your friends of the opposite gender. In Korea, guys and girls can't really be friends. It's a little strange. And if you have a partner, they will most likely become very jealous of the friends you do have. Also, if you are alone with someone of the opposite gender, it is assumed you are a couple, even if you aren't. So if you plan to meet a female friend alone who is not your girlfriend, be prepared for a million questions, followed by your phone exploding the entire time your out, finished with an argument to end the day because you just weren't responding fast enough.
At first it seems mental, right? But actually I've noticed that there is a certain lack of loyalty here...

It's not just the young people. Many of my friends have told me their parents sleep around. Or that their parents hate each other and use them as an excuse to stay together. I've also heard numerous stories about business men getting drunk together after work and hiring some prostitutes, despite having a family at home. Sometimes it's not even considered adultery because they were simply "bonding with the boss."
Actually, I have been approached several times and offered money in return for sex (because all foreign girls are sluts, obviously). I've even had men who have clearly indicated they have girlfriends/wives approach me with the line "It's okay. You're a foreigner so it doesn't count."
The young people here, having observed the old-fashioned, perverse ways of their parents and seniors understandably aren't trusting when they enter relationships, or they treat their partners in a similar fashion to how their parents treat each other. Which brings me onto my next point: sex.

Koreans are very naive when it comes to sex. Being from Europe, I was very exposed and very educated on the matter (British people are sluuuuuuts), but here the topic is still rather taboo. It's not really taught in schools and people don't like to talk about it, meaning a lot of people are aren't informed of the dangers, or even what it's about. I think this is also why many people have found themselves stuck in marriages they despise; usually the result of getting pregnant at a young age. 
It is common for Korean people to have very few sexual partners all their lives - whilst Europeans encourage sexual exploration, Koreans consider you a bad person if you have been with too many people. It is also common - when you enter a relationship - to not have sex for the first year or so, or to not have sex regularly. Sadly, I'm guessing this is why prostitution is so high here... Because of their lack of exposure, young Koreans can be very naive.

Now, don't bitch at me for this - I'm talking from my own experience. ...don't misinterpret that either. I mean, being the foreigner, usually my Korean friends feel much more relaxed talking about this kind of thing with me. Perhaps they feel they will not be judged by me in the same way they would another Korean person? Anyway, I want you to read some of the things young Korean people (young adults) have said/ asked me, and you'll see what I'm talking about:

"A girl can orgasm? How? They don't have a penis."

"It's okay if I just lay there. The boy will feel good anyway right?"

"My friend got his girlfriend pregnant... but how? They only had sex once."

"I tried sex but I don't like it. Only boys enjoy sex."

"It's okay. There is no chance of a baby if I don't finish."

"Korea has no STI's."

"Can old women have sex? When girls get old their vaginas close up. That's why they can't have periods, right?"

These were all serious questions from Korean students. People in their early twenties. Can you understand why I say what I do?

I was going to name this blog "Dating in Korea" but I don't think I shall... it's not a very nice representation of dating culture here and I want you to know that it's not all like this. I'm simply trying to highlight the differences and the problems you may encounter if you date in Korea. Of course there are many exceptions and if you are a foreigner dating a Korean your partner will likely be more than aware that you have a different culture and may see things a little differently.

As for my relationship, I think I got lucky. Hes not superficial. Hes not paranoid. He doesn't care what his friends think of me and he listens to my side of things. 

We have been together 174 days.

Foreign Teaching Programs in Korea

You know what a little girl said to me today? Essentially: "My mother and father pay your wages, so I can sit and sleep here if I want to."
I don't think you can imagine the amount of rage I was feeling at that point in time. See, what she had said was offensive, but what was even more irritating is that her mother or father probably spouted off something similar for her to come to that conclusion.

There are people in Korea who support foreign teachers coming over, and there are people who don't. The people who don't consider us a waste of funding and I'm guessing because this particular little girl isn't good at English that her parents probably think along these lines. And while everyone is entitled to their opinion, perhaps they should consider that their child simply isn't interested in learning and instead uses their parents opinions to justify being lazy and rude, and that's why their English level is staying low. I don't like making excuses, but there is fuck-all I can do if a child simply says no to learning.

The thing with foreign teachers is that it is a hit or miss. Korea is desperately pushing English on the new generation so that they can become more international; "To get a high-paying job you must speak English," kind of thing. So the Korean government are desperately importing foreign people and giving them teaching jobs. As great as this is for westerners looking to come to Korea, this particular system isn't doing the country much good.
My program, for example - TaLK, Teach and Learn in Korea. All the program requires is that you have at least two years of a degree finished and that you "seem trustworthy." Of course they have a look into your background and criminal history too, but I feel this in itself isn't enough. 

Now, don't get me wrong. The low entrance requirements were wonderful for me - before coming to Korea I had a degree in computer game art and virtually no teaching experience. I was in no way qualified to teach English to children, especially as a second language. I did and still feel that I am under-qualified to be here, but that's not the whole story. I am in no way saying that teachers who come here should all have degrees in English or linguistics or have a tonne of teaching experience - of course it would help, but I feel being a good teacher isn't really about whats on your resume. The problem is the people who travel here to teach and lack a personality that is suitable for being around children.

As the "foreign teacher" you usually take a second role. The school will already have an English teacher - a Korean person who has studied English until their soul died - and they have the task of teaching grammar and drilling vocabulary. As the foreign teacher, you are there to expose the students to a "native-English speaker." You are there to entertain. To inspire. To get them interested. You have to smile and joke with them. You have to encourage them. Your job is to get them to want to speak with you in English. So, if your native-English-speaking teacher is lazy or grumpy or boring, then this becomes a problem.

I've heard stories about teachers who just Google worksheets and print them because they are too lazy to plan their own classes. I've heard about teachers who have been argumentative and rude to their peers and employers (which, in Asia, in a big no no). I have also heard stories about teachers turning up to work drunk or hung-over. Or those who have gone out drinking and started fights, not realizing that their actions could badly affect their school's reputation. It is these kinds of people that give not only foreign teachers but foreign people in general a bad name. And sadly, it's these people that are remembered.

Teaching is something you can learn over time with experience. That's why I'm not berating all those without the related qualifications: if you are applying for Korea but have a degree in something else, bloody go for it, but only if you take it seriously.

When I first started at my school I had no idea if my students were learning anything. Nowadays, we repeat it until they can discuss the topic fully in a cute British accent. Learning how to teach comes with time and patience. The part you can't learn is how to be interesting. How to get children to want to eat with you and play soccer with you and tell you about their lives.
No, I don't have a teaching degree. But on Monday I taught a class the names of the months and on Thursday morning they were running up to me in the hallway to show me how fast they could say all twelve. A lot of the kids could spell them too.
Why? Because I actually care. 
No, I didn't study English. But I'm studying it now. No, I didn't study linguistics, but I'm working my way through a TEFL course. No, I didn't study teaching, so I often sit in on the other teachers classes to observe. Yes, I did an art degree, so I use it to hand-make all my worksheets and draw comics in English for my students to read. 
It's not about what you lack, it's about the time you're willing to put in. And it breaks my heart that some dickheads come over here and ruin what the rest of us are trying to achieve.

Anyway, back to my story.
A lot of my students are actually very good at English, so with their help translating I was able to reply to the girl:

"You think your parents pay my way? I'm working in a public school. If I cared about money I would have applied to a private academy. Your government pays me. I left my friends and my family to come to a country I didn't know with a language I couldn't speak. I live in a tiny apartment in the countryside getting paid much less then I would of had I stayed in England. I study hard to teach you, and I spend a lot of time and a lot of my own money preparing your classes. I try very hard to make English fun for you, the least you can do is listen."

Perhaps too much guilt to put on an elementary school child, but I was angry. And a small part of me hoped she would repeat some of this to her parents. Childish, right?
Korea defiantly has to re-organise the way they import foreign teachers, but you know, some of us actually do give a shit.

Needless to say, after school the girl came up and gave me a hug.
"Sorry teacher. I'm try hard tomorrow."

That's my girl.

Ppaeppaero

My computer died. Which was complete bollocksing-fucking-titwank. Hence the lack of blog posts. While it was out for repair I had to use a PC room. For those of you who don't know what that is, Asia has computer gaming rooms (a little like LAN rooms) kitted-out for hard-core, all-day-all-night gaming. So, I spent a while surrounded by a sweaty bunch of brain-dead nerds, trying to get some work done.
Sounds a lot like university actually.

Monday (11/11) was Ppaeppaero day. If you don't know Ppaeppaero, It's the Koreran version of Pocky. If you don't know Pocky, you haven't really lived now have you? Essentially its a biscuit stick that's been dipped in chocolate. They come in a variety of flavours now; ranging from things like strawberry and banana to green tea and pumpkin. My personal favourite is melon. Om nom nom.

On Ppaeppaero day, you buy some Ppaeppaero as a gift for friends and loved ones. Boxes of them, single sticks, giant sticks, make-your-own kits... a wonderful day for the company no doubt.
As a western lady living in Korea, I admit I wasn't really interested - seems more like a child's thing right? Nope... everyone gives everyone. And, being ignorant-little-me, I had nothing prepared.
Friends gave me Ppaeppaero, teachers gave me Ppaeppaero, co-workers gave me  Ppaeppaero, students gave me  Ppaeppaero... even the cunty bus driver gave me  Ppaeppaero. I felt guilty, to say the least. But on the plus-side I had quite the stash.

If you're coming to Korea, get familiar with holidays and event days. And I don't just mean traditional or cultural ones. Ppaeppaero day, white day... even valentine's and Christmas is a whole other ball-game. Be prepared my darlings!

Facebook and Twitter Links

God, Google you're a right bitch. 
Awkward, bollocksing piece-of-shite interface.

Okay, so if you're interested in my Facebook page or Twitter and can't be assed stalking my Google profile (because no one would blame you), you can find my information here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/blogsofsai

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Sai_Blue

Ask Me Anything - August 2013

Good lord, I'm writing this post on the school computers that only have Internet Explorer. Korea having the fastest internet in the world, it would seem they have no need to download decent browsers. Fine for them, but blogger is having a complete bitch-fit.

Anyways, I'm starting an AMA (Ask Me Anything) section to my blog that I will do every now and then. The idea is I will pick the first 20 questions and answer them, however I have had some fantastic questions that would require an essay to give a decent answer, such as the Korean art and music scene, Korean food and my teaching experiences, so I will save them and give them their own blog posts a little later. So, these are the first 20 shorter questions I have received (and I still haven't found my bloody drawing tablet pen, so no pretty pictures):

1. What is your real name?

Gilbert.

2. When are we going to meet?

Red light district, every Thursday.

3. A year in Korea, how has it changed you?

I'll cover this in more detail another time, but I suppose the main three points would be:

•  I know how adaptable I am
•  I'm less picky with food
•  I'm so much cuter

4. What was the highlight of your trip so far?

It's hard to focus on a specific event. I'm a person who enjoys the smaller things in life, so its literally anything from showing Tom around when he first arrived to eating bus-corn with Tori on the ride to Seoul (I may or may not explain bus-corn later).

5. What is your style of guy?

A man with swag.

6. In the most descriptive way possible, what is your favourite colour and why?

Blue. And not a full blue. A green blue? Aqua? Turquoise? Teal? Off-blue.
Why? I feel it's just a colour that suits me. I'm not a ridiculously deep person so I'm not going to go into an essay description about the meanings of colours or the warmth of different shades, but essentially I am not a fiery person, I'm docile and passive. So despite the red hair I'm not a red person (this raspberry colour is as mad as I'm allowed to go in my current career. I'd have blue hair again if I could). But, I'm not quite pure and shiny, so its more an off-blue. A little more murky. Something imperfect, but perhaps a bit more natural.

7. What's been your best and worst experiences in Korea?

Best experience, perhaps just wondering aimlessly around Korea with my friends. If you don't have an agenda, that's when the random, excellent experiences occur, right?
Or Nanta. That shits awesome.
Worst experience is Korean winters. -20 degrees Celsius can fuck off.

8. What was your most recent awkward situation?

Coming into school with quite a luminous sun-burn and having the teachers (including the vice-principal) rubbing my arms and legs lovingly with cucumber.

9. What was the hardest thing to leave behind?

CATS! My lord! I love animals. Someone please give me a cat. I have nothing fluffy to love!

10. When are you coming to Atlanta?

When Tori buys me a bed.

11. Why weren't we better friends before?

Yes! Why weren't we?! Why does it take so long for people to realise my hilarity? I must give off that British asshole vibe.

12. Do you have a favourite student?

I did last year. A little tom-boy that would sit and teach me Korean. Her voice was intense. She sounded like she had been smoking for all her little life. Then she transferred schools at the end of last term and broke my heart. Now I'm one of those bitter teachers.

13. How do you contain all your awesomeness?

I can't contain it all. It leaks out on occasion and dazzles everyone (I'd also like to add that these are real questions - I didn't make them up nor did I pay anyone).

14. Who invented the lawn-mower?

Edwin Beard Budding in 1827.

15. What is your least favourite type of person?

Someone who doesn't respect animals.

16. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or one-hundred duck-sized horses?

One horse-sized duck. I've played Zelda. One-hundred duck-sized anythings attacking you is certain death. Not to mention with added hooves. I'll take the duck boss. Bosses I can do.

17. Who made you so beautiful and big-headed?

They say Sai materialized from pure awesome and hair-dye, but no one knows for sure.
Also, thanks dad.

18. What was the strangest thing you've eaten?

Either cow-blood jelly soup or a boiled silk-worm cocoon (with the moth still inside). Neither were delicious.

19. What is one thing you want to do before you die?

Travel to at least 50 countries.

20. Why did you decide to start blogging again?

Because the weirdest things seem to happen to me. I'm scared that if I don't start recording them, I'll forget. Also, I'm not very sentimental when it comes to objects. I prefer pictures and notes, but carrying extra stuff when you're travelling is a hindrance.  Having my photos, memories, thoughts and feelings digitally like this means I can see them any time without carrying bulk with me. And publishing them online means my family and friends can see what I'm doing if they so wish. The Facebook page was also for my parents who kept losing the blog link. Oh mum.
However these picture-less blogs are boring. I want my fucking pen!

Communication Complications

I can't find my bloody tablet pen! Always, when I feel like doodling, I lose my pen, or the tablet, or my sketchbook, or my house...
So, another picture-less blog. Le sigh ~

I have a speech impediment. A stammer or stutter to be precise. There are three main types of stutterers: First, is the type who repeats a part of the word (h-h-h-hello). Second is the type who repeats the whole word (my my my my name is Paul). And finally, the type who pause in place of repeating (............nice to .....meet you). I am the last of these three types. Out of the three, I think I lucked-out. People just think I'm mentally slower, as oppose to a stuttering mess. Yippee. 

No one really knows what causes stuttering. And after years of speech therapy I can tell you its not an easy thing to be trained out of. I don't even know if its a mental or physical issue. I assume mental, but if so then why hasn't my stubbornness allowed me to overcome it in these 22 years? I'm not depressed, I've come from a very loving home. I have no learning disabilities or mental illnesses. I didn't have any health problems as a child. Bar this and my dark sense of humour there isn't much else wrong with me.

I remember it as a child. It was much worse when I was younger, and I detested having to speak, especially aloud in class. I remember having to recite the eight-times-tables in primary school and breaking down into tears. Or trying to read Shakespeare in my third year of secondary school and becoming so embarrassed I just sat back down. As a child it can do a lot of damage to your confidence (though you probably can't tell, because I'm pretty amazing right now).

Nowadays, upon meeting me many people don't realise I have a stammer. It's not that it's not there any more, it's just that through the years you learn to develop tricks. You know, to fool people into thinking you're not an idiot that can't master a basic skill.
"You have a stutter? I've known you for six months and I didn't notice. When you paused I thought you were thinking." - well, I was thinking, but not about the discussion. You don't realise, but when I'm stuck on a word, this little pause gives me time to scan my brain for a phonetically easier word of the same meaning, or a rearrangement of the sentence that is easier and still makes sense. For example:
"It starts at n-" I'm struggling to say 'nine-thirty,' I'll change it to "half nine."
"I went to a theme park during the h-" I'm struggling to say 'holiday,' I'll change to "vacation" (resorted to using American. Arg)!

It's not just about the word itself either. When talking, we apply more stress to key words and emphasise words differently according to their placement in the sentence. If the stress is put on a word with a phonetically harsh sound, I will most likely have difficulty saying it. For example:
"I live in Korea." - 'Korea is the main focus here, and K is a very harsh sound to produce, so I would usually struggle with this. However, change it to:
"I live in Korea, but I'm actually English." - the stress has shifted to 'but,' I will be able to skim over saying 'Korea' and will have an easier time putting emphasis on the softer B sound. The sentence will be easer to say, even though it is longer.

Annoying isn't it? This is constant. Any time I'm speaking, I'm doing this. So understandably if I'm tired or sick I can't be bothered, and my speech is much worse. It probably doesn't sound like a big issue - it's just a few extra seconds between words or a few extra syllables, but actually it's a very frustrating aspect of my life, as I'm guessing it is for people similar to myself. 
No one knows why it occurs or what causes it, so no one knows how to fix it. It's not quite a disability, so sometimes people can be impatient or unforgiving. Or they try to offer advice like "slow down" or "breathe more."  As kind as the intentions may be, it's completely ignorant. It's like telling a kid with acne to "go wash your face." Acne is due to a hormone imbalance and excess oils. If it was as easy as washing their face, don't you think they would? The same goes for this. If it was as easily fixed, I wouldn't have a problem.

I don't know why I do it, and actually it can be very painful when my neck and jaw are tense all day. And it's so frustrating. As you can tell by my writing, I'm a person with a lot to say. If I were confident with speaking I probably would have chosen a more theatrical path as oppose to the recluse life of an art student. And it was only after so many years of perfecting my tricks that I had the confidence to pursue teaching. Even now I wish I was more eloquent so that I'd have the balls to apply for university lecturing, but university bastards ask a lot of questions.

I don't like discussing my stammer very often. It is the only thing in my life that's limited me, and I'm the type of person who hates limitations. I know I've been rather successful in my life, but it's something I've had to consider with every life decision I've made. Not because I would be uncomfortable - I've gotten over that part now - but because I feel I would be putting others at a disadvantage. Yes I could apply for that lecturing job, but I'm sure the students won't appreciate a full minute pause between sentences. Yes I can help you with that fund-raiser, but it may be best if someone else reads out the names of the raffle winners. Yes co-worker, I can help you with the English oral examination, but I feel that I should grade whilst you ask the questions, or we will be here all day.

Sigh.
Oh well. I suppose everyone has their flaws. And it's probably best I am limited when talking, or else I'd probably never shut up. 

I do enjoy writing though.